Riding Life!

Riding Life!
Life is like a wild horse--Unless you ride it, it will ride you! (from the movie: "Princess of Thieves.")

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Stickhorse Cowgirl V: The Golden Rule

Several weeks ago on a beautiful Saturday morning, hubby and I picked up our only granddaughter "J", from a birthday slumber party. We took "J and our dog, Dudley, to a local park to have a little fast food picnic! "J"'s mother, our eldest daughter, had just gotten out of the hospital for pregnancy complications and had undergone an ultrasound revealing the gender of her unborn child (YAYYYY, it's a GIRL!!!!!!),due this July.

Granddaughter "J "and I had shopped for the birthday gift; hungry, tired and cranky kindergarten brother in tow! Wasn't I just doing this myself for my own three kids a few years ago?! Anyway, the gift was chosen, wrapped in the parking lot, card signed and we delivered "J" to the party just in time!

The next morning, after picking "J" up, off to Pinnacle Mountain Park we went --yes, it is a "little" mountain as mountains go, but hubby and I climbed to the top summer before last which was quite a feat at our age!!! Here we are at the summit!

Granddaughter "J" and Dudley running in the park at the base of the mountain.

"J" flew through the air on the swings! She ran through the grass with Dudley on his leash. We had a great time! I was glad to see "J" having such fun with a smile on her face. She is a precious girl and life hasn't been completely fair. She has the most optimistic happy outlook on life, but sometimes things happen that are beyond one's control - like divorced parents, several moves in the past two years, longing for what seemed safe and secure and forever in the past. As I've grown older, I've learned that "forever" doesn't exist in this present life. "J" is now in a stable, happy home, looking forward to a new sister ( she is SO excited), having been the only girl with two brothers and two little stepbrothers she loves! And that is what is so special about "J" - she loves! She is the most loving child with such a sweet spirit towards her friends and family. That's why I was so upset when eldest daughter revealed to me that when "J"'s father picked her up from after school care recently, she was in tears because the three other girls who also go to after school care, were all picked up together for one of the girl's sleepover party. "J" was left alone. Now, I know she is well liked by her classmates and I'm sure the mother of the girl having the party had no idea that a child was going to be devastated by being left out, but it sure makes me want to do something-- so no other child has to go through this. I know it's not possible to invite every child over for a sleepover. I realize that you can't protect a child from every sorrow and heartache in this life. A favorite pastor once said that if we had no struggles or resistance in our lives, we would become weak and flabby in spirit--- like lifting weights with feathers.

So I pray for "J" that the Lord would bless her, protect her from evil, and guide her steps. And I rejoice with "J" that her prayers have been answered for the sister she has so desired.

I'm just wondering, friends-- do you have a memory of being left out or not chosen? If so, how do you think it affected the person you are today? If there were any silver lining in this dark cloud, perhaps it would be the lesson of empathy; putting yourself into another's shoes. Never forgetting how it feels to be left out. In essence, the golden rule.


Anonymous said...

Oh yes I remember being left out at time. I was the daughter of the town drunk. I did not know until years later that the fathers of two of my friends were alcohol and one friend's mom was. But my dad was the town drunk, not alcoholic, drunk. One of the friend's father was a Lawyer one a dentist mine did not work. but I over came that and made friends anyway and had a wonderful life.

kath001 said...

Those granddaughters are THE sweetest things, aren't they? And she is going to be such a treasure to her baby sister. My sister who is closest in age to me is nine years older. She always helped me bake cookies, and shared her love of reading with me, and even took me on her dates! :)

jan said...

My heart goes out to 'J'. That is the kind of hurt you just want to hug away, but you can't make it go away that easily. You are right, you can't protect kids from all hurt and disppointment, but you sure want too....

Rising Rainbow said...

sounds like J is one special kid and well able to deal with such hurt. Not that you ever want them to have to deal with such stuff, but those who know how are sure better off than the ones over protected and unable to cope.

She sounds like a blessing to me.

Stickhorsecowgirls said...

I have to vouch for V's opinion that J is one special girl. I want V to write about J's wit some day--amazing for a child her age.

QMMM, boy does your comment brng back memories. My father was the "lawyer drunk," and there was so much shame in my family.

Oh, what we parents, with our faults, do to our children...C

Zuzana said...

Lovely pictures! And how sweet that you are expecting a little female addition to your family, congratulations.;)
Yes, I have been left out, but I am not sure how much it affected me. This due to the fact that it was coinciding with me being suddenly an immigrant child in my late teens. That of course did affected me; in both positive and negative ways.;)

Robynn's Ravings said...

Oh, poor J. I remember being left out (always picked last at sports) and NEVER part of the "in" crowd. I tried to join the Bluebirds when I was eight but wasn't allowed in because I was from a broken home. (Boy, if they would have had any idea HOW broken they REALLY wouldn't have let me in!)

But the bigger heartaches, by far, have come watching the times my own children have been left out. Bo has always been a lover, too, and yet she's marched to her own drummer. She wasn't always in sync with the ages and stages of her friends. I see the benefit of that now as she is VERY comfortable in her own skin and has excelled tremendously. She is content to be herself. It IS painful but I'd rather have a deep daughter, and son, than to have them pain-free and shallow. Deepening only comes through the pain of digging and tearing away.

Still, as mom (and you as grandma) it DOES make you want to stop the whole thing. Give "J" a hug from me and btw, you look REALLY pretty in that picture. It was so fun to see you. :)

Monalisa said...

Yes, I do remember that feeling of not being invited to girl's house because her mum only allowed one friend in at a time. I felt hurt and didn't speak to either girl for a long time.
It made me more aware of my children's friends and I would let all of them into my house. If there was too many, they all had to get out...

KathyB. said...

First let me say I am so happy to see pictures of you and your family! I don't know why, but pictures of the actual bloggers really helps me know and empathize with them.

I am also very blessed to see and read of your granddaughters' kindness and love in spite of her life circumstance. And yes, I clearly remember being left out of a classmates birthday party, then quickly being added as an afterthought ( I am sure it was an after-thought of kindness ) and I was very aware it was an afterthought.This made me very insecure at the party and the whole time I just knew I was not wanted there. So really, it is probably a good thing your granddaughter was not there, but she will not think that for many years.

I realize now I was a new-comer in the area, and was not a part of their everyday lives,so it is fair to conclude the parents simply were not aware of me. And your granddaughter may very well be in the same boat. Either way, it just plain hurts, and I am sorry she has to know this. Given loving family and relationships she will realize this and also be more kind herself to others. Bless you all.

Oh, congratulations on another granddaughter! They are the best!!!!

Vee said...

Yes, I can remember being left out. I don't specifically recall the silver linings other than to say that I always felt that God had a reason for whatever slights or disappointments I had and that I could trust Him. J sounds like a sweetie and you can trust God with her!

Iron Needles said...

Congrats on the soon to be here grandbaby girl.

There were lots of times I felt like I was on the outside looking in while growing up. It did hurt, even if there was nothing that could be done about most of the instances.

It would have been nice, though, for someone to have been sincere in talking to me about what was going on, rather than telling me it didn't matter.

Because it did matter.
To me.

Vickie said...

Yes, I've been there a time or two in my early childhood. I was the left out one a few times, then the most popular girl in school became my friend in 3rd grade only to dump me & make fun of me after a few weeks. I've always been introverted and didn't come out of my shell until I was nearly grown and realized that I could be and act the way I wanted to, not the way people treated me.

I'm glad your little granddaughter is getting a sister. She won't feel so alone. My sister and I are best friends. I have lots of others, now, but she's my lifeline! Glad ya'll had fun!

Happyone :-) said...

Sounds like everyone was left out of things from the comments left and I am no exception. I was one of the kids everyone picked on. I think because I was always just a bit different than most kids. I always had my one friend Bernice though and knowing she was my friend made all the difference. :-) She is still my friend today. :-)

Happyone :-) said...

Oh and congratulations on your new grand baby coming soon. :-)

Paul C said...

What a wonderful vista atop that mountain... I remember being chosen last for a baseball team. I was known as the strike out king. I guess one slowly gravitates toward what one is good at. Like Survivor one can be at the mercy of the tribe.

Farmchick said...

My dad was in the Air Force and hence we moved around a bit. Often I was the "odd one out" and never really quite fit in. Hard as a kid, but looking back on all of those travels, it was an interesting childhood.

Congrats on the new grand baby!

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