Stick Horse Cowgirls

Susan and John.  They had a charmed life; both had deep trust funds from old money.  They had grown up in the same country club, had fallen in love and married seventeen years earlier.  Susan had a career as owner of a retail store.  She didn’t have to work and started this out of her passion, but still she made money.  She was a smart girl.  John had a successful career as an executive in a large locally-based company. They had two sons, in the third and fifth grades.  John was on the private school board.  Susan was as involved as any mother could be in school and sporting activities. John decided he wasn’t happy.  He came to see me to get out of the marriage.  He didn’t blame Susan.  He said, in fact, that she was a great person, a great mother, and did her best at all.  He just wanted out.  He confessed that the fault was his.  He had been through an affair and, while that woman was not someone he would leave his...

I loved the discussion in my last post concerning the judge and his former clerk .   Thank you all for stimulating my brain, and making me examine issues. While we had lively comments on both sides of whether this judge can (and should be allowed to) separate his personal failings from his performance on the bench, this readership went pretty solidly in the “no” category.  Here are the results: IS HE FIT FOR THE BENCH? Yes. 2% No.  89% Other 5% WOULD YOU WORRY THAT THESE PERSONAL FAILINGS WOULD INFLUENCE HIS DECISIONS IN DIVORCE CASES? No.  6% Yes  83% Other  9% Some of you feel that this love/sex thing is a “gray area” in the realm of professional misconduct and ethics.  Others see it as black-and-white.  Now, of course, you must know that this only spurred my overac tive mind  to more thinking (my favorite past time which probably explains my tendency toward the porcine).  And these are the ...

Here’s the scenario: He’s a fifty-something married judge looking for a new law clerk.  She’s a bright, beautiful 24-year-old graduating lawyer.  She comes to work for him.  He has a policy of a one-year-only term for law clerks.  He breaks policy for her, ostensibly because she is so very competent in her job…She stays on two years.  Only one to do it… She marries and begins her family. Flash forward five years to right now.  He’s in his late 50’s and has his eye on the state Supreme Court, the highest judicial office in the state.  She has been in private practice for three years with a big firm in town.  She has two children u nder four years of age with a handsome man her own age. She works on the Judge’s campaign. You’re already onto this story, I know.  It burst into our papers over the weekend: She and the Judge have been having an affair.  It has broken up her household.  Her husband has actually named the judge ...

Our office is about three blocks from the courthouse.  Here’s a picture of where I do my “daily beat.”  You can see to the right the beginnings of the more modern addition, which more than doubles the size of this picturesque older part.  Hard to get a picture of the whole thing Because parking is at a premium in our downtown (and because we are lazy), when we lawyers have a court appearance, someone from the staff drops us off at the front door and picks us up when the trials are over.  I love saying, “ Just a sec…I’ll call for the car…” (See my previous post on my love of “staff.”) On pretty days I wait for my ride outside the courthouse on the sidewalk.   I enjoy standing there watching folks coming and going, shooting the breeze with my fellow lawyers as they pass by on their way to their own hearings.  Yesterday was such a day—gorgeous fall weather. I no longer do criminal-law work (having the luxury of that option!), so I have little cont...

Yesterday I told V a work story that made her remember one of our favorite movies: The Prizewinner of Defiance, Ohio .  But first, here’s my story: My client was sad, alrigh t, but the most accurate description I can think of is “exhausted.”  She was exhausted as in the really tired sense, but she was  also exhausted in that she had pulled out the stops to save her marriage—exhausted all avenues, as it were.  It was not to be, despite her best efforts. Her problem with her professional, graduate-school-educated husband was prescription drugs.  He was hooked, had been to rehab twice and had, unbeknownst to client, drained their entire financial reserves, which were at one time substantial—all gone now.  Husband was now unemployed and just coming out of rehab for the second time (not cheap) thanks to his parents. Both sides of the family gave her emotional support as she made the hard  decision to divorce.  They were about to lose the house an...

Yesterday brought in two women clients who had some things in common that I am seeing over and over.  The fact that I have two new clients in one day with this common problem set me to puzzling: They both have long standing marriages (27 years and 35 years) Both have children, just now grown (college age) and have described their husbands as totally-devoted, engaged fathers. Both have church as central to their lives Both described their marriages as “happy,” one of them said “solid.”  They were blindsided by what brought them to my office. And here’s the common trait that has me so thoughtful: Both their husbands have left them for much younger women and have unabashedly moved in with their girlfriends.  In front of God and everyone, as it were. Whatever happened to slipping around, hiding one’s sin—or trying to? When did we come to the place that otherwise decent men just don’t seem to think anything about...

Well, Tipper and Al Gore are kaput!  What is the world coming to?   After that kiss at the convention!  After 40 years! This morning on the way to try a divorce case, I was listening to NPR’s Morning Edition discuss the Gore situation.  The conclusion of the article is that, basically, the Gores have “grown apart”  (what I call “drift”), and  that this is a common evolution of a relationship.  The narrator indicated that the Gores fit in the category she refers to as “the second wave of divorce,” referring to couples who have lasted in a marriage more than twenty years and their increased risk of divorce.  Her take?  “ Let’s not call it a ‘tragedy,’ but celebrate it as a part of life… ”  So, marriage-for-life seems kaput, too. As all this was unfolding, I was asked to write a post for an organization composed mainly of “family scientists.”  I am the lone attorney in this group of professors, counselors, etc.   The re...

I had an uplifting encounter today that made me think about episodes in our lives that prove to be formative.  I had an appointment with a man who is a witness in a case.  We were preparing him for the questions I will be asking him next month when he takes the stand. Now let me say first that outside of close relatives, most folks hate the thought of being a witness in a lawsuit.  They really don’t want to be involved in things that are “other people’s business.”  I hear this all the time, and usually make do with a telephone conversation to determine what the witness might say on the stand, often followed by a subpoena which is, in essence, enforced attendance at trial. I understand that appearing in court is nerve-wracking for all except us lawyers who do the grilling, and I suppose that is part of the reluctance.  But what concerns me many times is the apathy shown by third parties who could contribute much to the Court’s understanding and to a good...

They were, by all accounts a successful couple—not rich success, but happy, church-going and well-employed.  They had all they needed and some to save for old age.  Except for one thing.  They had no children. BB was the leader of a home fellowship group for his church.  He and SS opened their home each week to worship, pray and counsel with fellow church members.  BB was an elder, in leadership and close communion with others in his church’s leadership.  Everyone around them was praying for a child for this wonderful couple. Then BB was hit with a revelation from God:  He had no children because there were so many of God’s children without homes!  He went to SS and told her.  Reluctantly she agreed to take the several-month program of instruction and counseling in order to become eligible to adopt from child protective services.   As they went through the program, SS still had her doubts, but she wanted a child and BB said “ T...

Decades ago when I was a young, idealistic lawyer, I would handle just about any case that walked through the door with money.  Really, I had no choice as I was assigned by senior management of the firm.  As my practice built I did what most lawyers do and honed it down to the areas I enjoy most and for which I believe I am best suited. I lopped off bankruptcies, and most business transactions went by the wayside.  Both of these are too boring for me.  I must require a larger-than average dosage of human drama, because I sure get a lot of it in family law.  One area that was drama-filled but also got cut from my list was criminal law.  I just had trouble relating to the clients.  I recall being given the task of determining if we could help someone who claimed he was wrongfully convicted of first-degree murder because he had an unfair trial. I was sent to our state prison to interview him.  Facts of the Case : The victim had refused to pa...