It’s much more difficult than I ever thought it would be to write what I really want to say. I hamstring myself with fear of revealing too much, embarrassing myself or others. I’ve often wondered if others struggle with this too. Do I want to limit myself to writing about a slick veneer of life as seen through rose colored glasses, or do I want authenticity—even if sometimes it’s a little angry, or whiny, or questioning?
I don’t want to air all my dirty laundry publically, but I will say that my 40 years of marriage hasn’t always been rosy. We’ve struggled through difficult times—our own selfishness, even boredom at times. We’ve endured the stress of rebellious, out of control teenagers. We’ve sat in the emergency room of hospitals, with life and death circumstances before us for two of our three children. Despite the difficult times, thankfully we have had trust and common faith to sustain us through the rough times.
We’ve been through a lot, not always supported each other as lovingly as we should have, but there is value and merit in hanging in there most of the time. To my grandchildren who suffered the pain and separation of divorce, my hubby and I are their rock—like salt and pepper we just belong together in their eyes! I’ll never forget my late father telling me many years ago that he discovered as a teenager that his grandmother had been married to another man before she married his grandfather. She had lost her husband and baby to a flu epidemic. He said that even though she had been widowed, he felt a sense of betrayal to even consider that she had shared a life with someone other than his grandfather.
Oh, how things have changed!!! It amazes me how the cultural climate has changed since my husband I were married. Facebook (as much as I have enjoyed reconnecting with old friends lost to me through the years), has become a huge problem in many marriages with people reconnecting with old flames. Temptation has never been easier.
“C” and I both have discussed the statistics many times, but still would both say that our sons are the exception to the rule! Often, I’ve said to “C” when she recites the statistics “yes, but what about our boys?” Another lament of mine regarding men who aren’t faithful is –“Who raised those men? Where are mothers dropping the ball in not teaching their sons to be faithful men? And what about fathers? Are they perhaps teaching by example? And can a mother’s counsel overrule that example if it’s bad? I know my own father, an only child of divorce, stood by his mother with a protectiveness, and vowed never to follow in his father’s unfaithful footsteps.
Our son’s divorce was final last year. He was absolutely faithful and dedicated to his wife. The girl we welcomed into our family just walked away without a glance back to pursue a new person who turned her head – No one is perfect, but my son is kind and hardworking and faithful and he treated her well. He goes to work, comes home, plays with the dogs, cooks on the grill, works in the garden, and goes to bed early. He’s a tinkerer too—loves to have a project. Summer before last he taught himself how to can and put up over 60 jars of pickles! He bought an old travel trailer and refurbished it. So this has been a difficult time, but he has been surrounded by friends and family who love him. He has a new job with a promising future working with his brother-in-law and is planning to buy his own home soon.
So, this is not just a problem of men who have a wandering eye. Sometimes it is the woman who is restless and thinks there are greener pastures. I believe my former daughter-in-law may live to regret her decision to pursue someone she hardly knew. Oh, the enemy is a deceiver. Let us teach our children, sons and daughters, by word and example, to be faithful, kind, and honoring of our vows.
Just want to let you know that “C” will be back posting soon! Actually, she has written three books! She has taken a hiatus from posting to work furiously at her law practice, and on her books. If all goes well—who knows, she may be a bestselling author! I wouldn’t be surprised at all! And how is my job going? Well just let me say that I have never had a more difficult year in my life! I may retire after this semester, or I might try to find something less stressful/part-time. I want to slow down! Working full time and helping out with my grandkids is wearing me out! I’d rather just help with the grandkids! Life is too precious to be exhausted all the time! There IS light at the end of the tunnel! I am enjoying Spring Break, and on May 31 I am DONE!