Riding Life!

Riding Life!
Life is like a wild horse--Unless you ride it, it will ride you! (from the movie: "Princess of Thieves.")

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Cowgirl V: Light at the End of the Tunnel


It’s much more difficult than I ever thought it would be to write what I really want to say.  I hamstring myself with fear of revealing too much, embarrassing myself or others.  I’ve often wondered if others struggle with this too.  Do I want to limit myself to writing about a slick veneer of life as seen through rose colored glasses, or do I want authenticity—even if sometimes it’s a little angry, or whiny, or questioning?


Dirty laundry

I don’t want to air all my dirty laundry publically, but I will say that my 40 years of marriage hasn’t always been rosy.  We’ve struggled through difficult times—our own  selfishness, even boredom at times.  We’ve endured the stress of rebellious, out of control teenagers.  We’ve sat in the emergency room of hospitals, with life and death circumstances before us for two of our three children.  Despite the difficult times, thankfully we have had trust  and common faith to sustain us through the rough times.

We’ve been through a lot, not always supported each other as lovingly as we should have, but there is value and merit in hanging in there most of the time.  To my grandchildren who suffered the pain and separation of divorce, my hubby and I are their rock—like salt and pepper we just belong together in their eyes!   I’ll never forget my late father telling me many years ago that he discovered as a teenager that his grandmother had been married to another man before she married his grandfather.  She had lost her husband and  baby to a flu epidemic.  He said that even though she had been widowed, he felt a sense of betrayal to even consider that she had shared a life with someone other than his grandfather.



Oh, how things have changed!!!  It amazes me how the cultural climate has changed  since my husband I were married.  Facebook (as much as I have enjoyed reconnecting with old friends lost to me through the years), has become a huge problem in many marriages with people reconnecting with old flames.  Temptation has never been easier.

Temptation apple


“C” and I both have discussed the statistics many times, but still would both say that our sons are the exception to the rule!  Often, I’ve said to “C” when she recites the statistics “yes, but what about our boys?”  Another lament of mine regarding  men who aren’t faithful is –“Who raised those men?  Where are mothers dropping the ball in not teaching their sons to be faithful men?  And what about fathers?  Are they perhaps teaching by example?  And can a mother’s counsel overrule that example if it’s bad?  I know my own father, an only child of divorce, stood by his mother with a protectiveness, and vowed never to follow in his father’s unfaithful footsteps.



Our son’s divorce was final last year.   He was absolutely faithful and dedicated to his wife.  The  girl we welcomed into our family just walked away without a glance back to pursue a new person who turned her head – No one is perfect, but my son is kind and hardworking and faithful and he treated her well.   He goes to work, comes home, plays with the dogs, cooks  on the grill, works in the garden, and goes  to bed early.   He’s a tinkerer too—loves to have a project.    Summer before last he taught himself how to can and put up over 60 jars of pickles!  He bought an old travel trailer and refurbished it. So this has been a difficult time, but he has been surrounded by friends and family who love him.  He has a new job with a promising future working with his brother-in-law and is planning to buy his own home soon.

So, this is not just a problem of men who have a wandering eye.    Sometimes it is the  woman who is restless and thinks there are greener pastures. I  believe my former daughter-in-law may live to regret her decision to pursue someone she hardly knew.  Oh, the enemy is a deceiver.  Let us teach our children, sons and daughters,  by word and example, to be faithful, kind, and honoring of our vows.





Just want to let you know that “C” will be back posting soon!  Actually, she has written three books!  She has taken a hiatus from posting to work furiously at her law practice, and on her books.  If all goes well—who knows, she may be a bestselling author!  I wouldn’t be surprised at all!  And how is my job going?  Well just let me say that I have never had a more difficult year in my life!  I may retire after this semester, or I might try to find something less stressful/part-time.  I want to slow down!  Working full time and helping out with my grandkids is wearing me out!  I’d rather just help with the grandkids!  Life is too precious to be exhausted all the time!  There IS light at the end of the tunnel!  I am enjoying Spring Break, and on May 31 I am DONE!


KathyB. said...

I completely understand the reluctance to share too much, to be transparent...and I have become more reluctant to share over my few years of blogging. Sometimes it just hurts too much to write about the hurts. Your son, like mine, is a good man worthy of so much more than he got from a woman he loved and trusted. There IS light at the end of the tunnel, but any glance back at what he thought he would have with someone he loves ( or loved) will always be painful, and I suspect you are like me in that this hurts your heart deeply.

Our son is raising his 4 daughters by himself, well, with help from family. I am seeing more & more women leaving their husbands and children behind as they pursue their own desires. It's really an old story though, but a destructive one.

Another aspect of this is we as the in-laws also gave our hearts to the unfaithful daughter-in-laws, and we lost someone we came to love simply because we accepted them as family when they married our sons.

I have prayed for your son. Thank-you for the update.

Mamma has spoken said...

My son is going through a nasty divorce too. His is over another woman but in this case it's his hopefully soon to be ex wife's attachment to her mother!
Ah retirement, how I long for you.....

Zuzana said...

Oh, really nice to read something from you cowgirls.;) I am with you on the difficulties of writing, I took a blog break on one occasion because I felt that I could not continue to hold back so much of the truth.;)
As for divorces - yes, once it was a scandal, today however at times they are helping people out of doomed relationships, saving them from a destructive life. I do not approve of them, nor am I a supporter, but I do not completely condemn them. I know many examples where a divorce resulted in both parties finding better future for themselves and the kids. So yes, there is a light at the end of the tunnel - always.;) And your son will find it too one day;)
Have a wonderful weekend and thank you for this wonderful, substantial and highly personal post.;)

Pondside said...

Authenticity - it's a challenge isn't it? I try, but usually end up skimming over the reality, sometimes touching it and bouncing back away.
I feel for your son - my brother had the same thing happen and I believe it is hard for a man because everyone assumes that it was he who strayed/betrayed/behaved badly.
Your son will find the light at the end of the tunnel and in the meantime, it's good that he has your support.

Vee said...

This is just me, but I think you walked that line very well between transparency and sharing a story that isn't yours alone. I think people will find it helpful and encouraging. I know that I do. One of my great-grandfathers was my great-grandmother's third husband. I was always full of questions now let me tell you. Ha!

So glad that you'll perhaps slow down and do what you really want to. I just listened to a gal on a talk show call in and talk about her hours at school were cut back so they don't have to provide healthcare. She said that was basically all that she was working for so it doesn't make sense anymore.

C wrote three books? My goodness! I am impressed. Hope that we get to hear from both of you a little more often when the dust settles.

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Eggs In My Pocket said...

I think writing about these things is therapy.........to get it all out in the open.........maybe after doing so..........regret might come........but more often, you will find others who connect and know what you are going through. As for fatihfullness in marriage and even in other relationships..........no one can know which way the heart can turn.........because as you stated...........there is temptation. I think a person has to have a moral regard for themselves not to cross that line...............unfortunately, not everyone has that conviction. It is a painful part of life that so many have to deal with. My heart goes out to you and for what you have gone through. Prayers for healing are for you.

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