Stick Horse Cowgirls

Someone close to me once gathered her two precious children around for a morning devotional and Bible study.  Such a beautiful perfect-family picture.  Her seven-year-old son and nine-year-old daughter were interested, earnest, and in good humor as they started. The lesson was about turning to God for assistance in cleaning up our lives.  Mom spoke to the kids about bad habits and how prayer can enlist the help of God and focus us on our efforts to break them.  “ Think about something you’d like help with this morning.  If you want to share it, fine.  If you are not comfortable with sharing, that’s fine, too.  We all have things in our lives we’d like to change and we need help to do it.  I’ll start .” Mom shared with her kids that she had gained a little weight and that she knew the reason was poor eating habits.  “ I need help from you and from God so I can remember to make good choices in my diet.  I need to learn to eat heal...

My last post about domestic violence was a report—passing on information I learned in a recent class and some of my observations from my law practice.  But in the course of discussing that post with V, she jolted me into a realization that this subject had touched my life and is, perhaps, touching it still. As most of you know, V and I have been friends for 57 years (oh, Lordy!), and we lived right next door to each other as children.  I moved away when I was about 8, although our parents had the great, good foresight to be certain we saw each other frequently (this friendship has been a life-saver for me in these later years).  As some of you also know, I grew up with a brilliant but alcoholic and womanizing lawyer father.  I loved him very much and miss him even now, but he was a mess, and he brought that mess down on his wife and children.  He would often come home very late at night, reeking of alcohol, women would call our home…you get the picture....

If you’ve followed this blog long, you know that I cannot help but offer social commentary. I’ve spent the last two days in continuing education.  One of our speakers was on domestic violence.  I am somewhat an expert from decades of helping women escape and trying to convince them that they should escape.  It is such a problem in our society that I think it is helpful to review the statistics.  They shock even me.  Just look at these statistics for the US: According to the U.S. Surgeon General, domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women in the United States. 95% of the victims of domestic violence are women. 35% of all emergency room calls are a result of domestic violence.  It is the largest single reason for ER visits by women. Of those who abuse their partner, well over 65% also physically and/or sexually abuse the children. EVERY day .....4 women and 3 children in the US die as a result ...

Yes, there are bright spots in the dismal terrain of broken families in which I work.  As I work to help clients manage the dissolution of their families, normally I am in an acutely adversarial role.  This is required because the parties are so polarized from hurt that they are unable to be collaborative.  I understand that.  Been there, done that myself. Often where children are involved I see parents so blinded by t heir pain and their own rejection issues that seeing the best interests of the  kids is impossible.  Many is the time I have had clients tell me, “ I want him to have every other weekend, PERIOD.  It’s best for the kids…”   Yeah, right.  It’s best for the kids to see Dad four days a month?  No, it’s a great way for you to jab back at him for his hurt to you and to have some control in this life of yours that has spun out of control. But, they are sincere most of the time, I have come to understand.  Pain colors pe...

I remember when I first heard the Kardashian name.  It was when OJ was big in the news. Remember the White Bronco chase? Robert Kardashian was an attorney and a friend to OJ.  The Simpson trial was in 1995.  Fast forward now to 2011.  It’s Robert’s daughters, Kourtney, Kim & Khloe, who are all the news now, apparently. I must admit that I am somewhat interested how someone becomes famous and extremely well-paid in our society for doing…well, for doing….well, for being….Okay, I give up.  What are they famous for?  Here’s the family portrait.  That’s Olympian Bruce Jenner on the right (stepdad to Kim, Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian and father to the two younger girls to the front) : Missing from the photo is the Kardashian son (the focus is on the girls) and Bruce Jenner’s multiple children from his two past marriages. I don’t mean to be critical, here, of the Kardashians, er , or the Jenners, er, or whomever they are.  They ju...

We had seen the weather maps.  Yes, everyone knew the snow was coming.  I had a trial scheduled this afternoon at 1:30—the court called and cancelled late yesterday, although the weather at the time was positively balmy.  The weather guy was adamant that we were going to get dumped on yet again. Yesterday was my late FIL’s birthday, so last night in his honor (on good, dry roads) MIL, Son and I went out to his favorite Italian restaurant where MIL ordered his favorite Brasiola.  We had a good time remembering him.  I was tired enough to put off the compulsion most of us have to stop at the grocery story, knowing that I had plenty of food at home. Howeeeeeeever , when I got up this morning early, I realized that we just might not have enough coffee to last us through a couple days of snow-in.   Can’t be having that, now, can we?  Besides, there was NO precipitation.  Everything looked just as normal as can be.  I got in the car and t...

Yesterday I told V a work story that made her remember one of our favorite movies: The Prizewinner of Defiance, Ohio .  But first, here’s my story: My client was sad, alrigh t, but the most accurate description I can think of is “exhausted.”  She was exhausted as in the really tired sense, but she was  also exhausted in that she had pulled out the stops to save her marriage—exhausted all avenues, as it were.  It was not to be, despite her best efforts. Her problem with her professional, graduate-school-educated husband was prescription drugs.  He was hooked, had been to rehab twice and had, unbeknownst to client, drained their entire financial reserves, which were at one time substantial—all gone now.  Husband was now unemployed and just coming out of rehab for the second time (not cheap) thanks to his parents. Both sides of the family gave her emotional support as she made the hard  decision to divorce.  They were about to lose the house an...

I have decided to put a “rant warning” in the title of my more, er, “serious” posts in case you find them tiresome; although I must say this one is not entirely my fault, as those of you who make it to the end will see.  C Months ago a middle-aged mother sat in my office sobbing, with reason.  I sympathized until she boo-hooed this statement: “ I have FOUR kids!  What man is going to want me? !”  I lectured her on the advantages she has over many other women in her marital boat (she is a professional) and that she did not need to think she needs a man in her life to be complete. Recently she came back, all smiles, to tell me that she’s found one!  She’s having a “relationship,” and she wanted me to know.  Glowing .  I was happy for her—I like her a lot.  But my concern for her came right out of my mouth (I have that habit).  She has not long been divorced.  I remembered the day she was in despair because there was no man in sig...

Yes, I’m stuck on childhood memories lately.  I had someone recently share about their family’s discipline practices some decades ago.  It was similar to my own.  We both endured the “pick-your-own-switch” order. It was a day and age when spanking was not frowned-upon—not even given a second thought as to whether  it might be wrong.  I don’t think I was harmed one bit by my mama’s discipline habits.  I admit that there are those of us who probably should not spank their kids because of anger problems, but that was not an issue in my home. My mother would, indeed, use a switch on us, and I recall that the little, skinny ones were the worst—they’d wrap around our legs, making us dance.  Sometimes, there’d be one handy on the top of the refrigerator.  She’s also gotten after us with the fly swatter (which I hated because I imagined those little fly legs c oming off on my own) and, let’s not forget the handy paddles provided by those paddle-ball t...

Son is going on vacation for a week. His plane was scheduled to take off at 6:00 a.m. This meant early rising for us both, as I took him to the airport. In so doing I amazed myself (is "amazed" the right word?). I was able to step back and watch myself doing what I am about to describe. I'm not an idiot...but sometimes I cannot help myself. Here's how our ride to the airport through the early-morning darkness went: Me: " Do you have your driver's license? You know, you'll need that to get on the plane ." Son: " Yes, Mom, it's in my wallet in my back pocket--where it usually is ..." Me: " Now, when you get to the airport, you can just go to the little self-help kiosk and do your e-ticket thing, BUT, if you have trouble--any trouble at all--just ask one of the uniformed attendants to help you ." Son (patiently): " Yes, Mom--remember, I've flown before, okay ?" Me: " Sure. Now, when you go to pick ...

They were, by all accounts a successful couple—not rich success, but happy, church-going and well-employed.  They had all they needed and some to save for old age.  Except for one thing.  They had no children. BB was the leader of a home fellowship group for his church.  He and SS opened their home each week to worship, pray and counsel with fellow church members.  BB was an elder, in leadership and close communion with others in his church’s leadership.  Everyone around them was praying for a child for this wonderful couple. Then BB was hit with a revelation from God:  He had no children because there were so many of God’s children without homes!  He went to SS and told her.  Reluctantly she agreed to take the several-month program of instruction and counseling in order to become eligible to adopt from child protective services.   As they went through the program, SS still had her doubts, but she wanted a child and BB said “ T...