Stick Horse Cowgirls

I’ve written about this before.  It’s worth mentioning again because we are all prey to the idea that our circumstances are special, different.  The rules and statistics don’t really apply, so we think.  This can cloud judgment. Mattie was married to a well-known personal injury lawyer, “Jim.“  I had heard of him; don’t know of him except by his reputation.  I expected to find lots of assets.  I was right. She’d been married to him 34 years.  She was 52.  He was 18 years older than her and at a well-preserved 70, rich and thanks to Viagra,  going strong in all respects. Frankly, it seemed to me that Mattie ought to wait it out…he was content to be married while he continued to sow his elderly oats.  Apparently when one is rich one can find plenty of fertile ground in which to do so, no matter your age.  Divorce was going to be emotionally hard and, surely, he’d either die or stroke out soon. But I always tell my clients, ...

If you’ve followed this blog for long, you will know that my husband of (then) thirty-six years left me and our entire family for a twenty-nine-year old.  You know, too, that it was a shock that this seemingly-perfect husband, elder of church, fine-upstanding-citizen would do such a thing. It was not only a shock to our family but to all who knew us….seemingly for a while…but now it appears not so much. Please indulge me with generalities here…I know there are exceptions to any generalizing. I have heard of the “bro [brother[ code.”  What I have read in my attempts to understand the adultery dynamic is this: Men do not generally squeal on one another in the area of marital infidelity.  Men who are close to their wives—who confide everything else—generally will not tell wives if a male friend is cheating because we women do tell as a rule.  Telling her would violate the Bro-Code. The literature (yes, real literature from social scientists) tells us that your...

There’s a new book out. Please don’t buy it.  Don’t download it to your Kindle; don’t pollute your bookshelves with a bound copy.  You can glean all you really need to know about this subject free from the internet and television. Let’s don’t line this wh**e’s pockets, please. I’ll synopsize the highlights for you here for the twin purposes of letting off steam and perhaps costing Rielle Hunter a book sale or two. I’ve written about this woman before.  I’ve also written about Edwards.  Neither posts are flattering and Hunter’s televised interview last night did not change my opinion.  Hunter says she didn't give in easily to sleeping with a married man.  Apparently it took “Johnny” telling her about his three other mistresses in order for her to crawl into bed with him  that first night they met. This thought pretty much stuns me.  Let me get this straight: Being told that he is a serial adulterer—that you will be just one in his string--...

V and I live in the grand state of Arkansas.  U of A Razorback football is huge throughout the state, although I don’t care two hoots and a holler about it.  Around here you see Razorback clothing, Razorback purses, Razorback s%*t on cars,  Razorback everything.  Silliness .  I remain mostly clueless about the entire sports program, thankfully.  I cannot think of any more boring activity than watching a Razorback game on television unless it’s being dragged to one in person. A couple of weeks ago at work my brother said, “ Can you believe it about Petrino?”  “ Who ?”  (yes, I am that clueless). Turns out it’s “our” head coach. (er, now former head coach). “ Petrino !” he chided.  “ Don’t you follow any news?  He had a motorcycle wreck and had a young sweetie on the back. I think it’s going to be a big deal .” It was a big deal.  An investigation was launched and he was dismissed, losing a contract worth $2.3 million a y...

Yet again, blame this post on V.   She has assured me that since this has been on TV, we’ll retain our PG-13 rating. Have you seen this ad? It only confirms what I have learned in my fifth decade of life: Most everything revolves around sex. You think I’m wrong?  Nope, I’m not.  I’ve practiced family law 32 years ( shudder ) and I know this to be true.  Now.  A bit late in the day.  I would have denied this ten years ago. We women have got to get it through our heads: Men just are not as relational as women are.  They have a pull to sex  from a perspective that we don’t have.  This is not to say that we don’t like sex, too; only it is different for them and not nearly as relationship-based as we women assume.  And it pulls in a way that can lead (often) one away from family and fealty. Notice in the video—it’s the men scrapping for it. The last issue of Discover magazine has a whole article on this.  Just look at these qu...

I was a Brownie and then, for one year only, a Girl Scout.  I remember saluting and saying the Girl Scout “Promise” and our motto: Be Prepared. Prepared for what?  Truthfully, that question never crossed my young mind back when I was saying these words in unison with my sister scouts.  Five decades later, I know: Be Prepared for Curves Life is Certain to Throw You. This motto came to my mind while I was at an informal gathering of friends recently—all women.  One of them told me her story, words tumbling out of her mouth so that I could not get a word in edgewise; I could tell the words were pushed out by pain.  I know, from experien ce, of her need to have someone else listen.  She is not my client but she found out I am a  lawyer and felt compelled to tell me.  I was riveted: Jon and Mary did it all right.  They were correct to the Nth degree.  Jon’s parents were Missionaries.  He grew up in the mission fields of easter...

In my heyday, long past,  “text” was a noun.  In this 21st century world, “text” has become a verb: If you want to send someone a “text message” from your phone, you “text” him.  People have wrecks while texting in their car.  So, we see the English language expanding to fit our lifestyle. I have grown to like text messaging, but only in a limited sense.   I am definitely not hooked on it, as some seem to be.   I probably send or receive a text message once or twice in an average week.  They are extremely useful in situations (court, for example) where answering the phone is impossible but you need to send or receive information.  Usually the message will be something like “ Witness is running late—she’ll be there in five minutes .”  I find text messages useful but not particularly personal nor a primary means of communication. And then there is the “tweet,” which is no longer simply a description of bird talk.  No, tho...

Yes, I’ve been away from blogging.  I’ve been putting in very long hours and some weekends—I’m too old for such a schedule!  Besides, it cuts into m blogging time! But, nothing like a couple of scandals to bring me back into the game. I had to chuckle the other day when my sister-in-law on the East Coast called to check in. “ You okay ?” she asked.  “ The kids (mostly college-age with a high schooler) have been saying, ‘You’d better check in with Aunt C.  She hasn’t written anything about Arnold Schwarzenegger !’”  Ah, my reputation as a crusader against adultery…losing battle that it is. Well, here goes: What can I say about Arnold and Maria that hasn’t been said?  He’s a scumbag.  I think most of us knew that he had tendencies toward cheating from accusations of sexual harassment over the years, so I doubt that there were many who thought he was walking the line.  According to the pundits I’ve heard on the topic, he is widely regarded as being ...

I had lunch with a fellow attorney this week.  As we chatted, we slipped into sharing skeletons from our own families’ closets.  We had agreed, being family lawyers, that there are no “normal families.”  We all have closet skeletons, don’t we? I have no problem sharing my family’s skeletons—I can talk ad nauseum about my own marital travails.   I’ve written before about my father, an alcoholic womanizer who is now gone.  Lest you believe I am idly speaking  ill of the dead, let me just say this:  I loved my father—love and miss him still—but things are what they are.  There’s not a soul who knew him who would deny the characterization I have just given him.   Even he, who would deny the alcoholism (I guess he just chose to get slobbering, pants-wetting drunk) would admit, proudly, of the womanizing. My friend was a bit more reticent, but here’s the story that came out. There are five siblings, of which she is the least....

Susan and John.  They had a charmed life; both had deep trust funds from old money.  They had grown up in the same country club, had fallen in love and married seventeen years earlier.  Susan had a career as owner of a retail store.  She didn’t have to work and started this out of her passion, but still she made money.  She was a smart girl.  John had a successful career as an executive in a large locally-based company. They had two sons, in the third and fifth grades.  John was on the private school board.  Susan was as involved as any mother could be in school and sporting activities. John decided he wasn’t happy.  He came to see me to get out of the marriage.  He didn’t blame Susan.  He said, in fact, that she was a great person, a great mother, and did her best at all.  He just wanted out.  He confessed that the fault was his.  He had been through an affair and, while that woman was not someone he would leave his...