Riding Life!

Riding Life!
Life is like a wild horse--Unless you ride it, it will ride you! (from the movie: "Princess of Thieves.")

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

C: Mel Gibson - You knew This Was Coming, Right?

meland oksana Well, it happened twice yesterday…first, my sister comes in to work and says that my brother-in-law “…is waiting on your post about Mel Gibson.” 

To be truthful, I have been so swamped that I was only peripherally aware that Braveheart had been in the news again.  Then, last night on the phone, V says, “Haven’t you heard the tapes? Oh, C, you should!”  Well, no….mel2

But I have now.  Oh, dear!  This man is so off…he is a danger to this  girlfriend and to his little baby.  That picture above is of the couple in happier days.  If you notice, she is sporting what Mel calls her “alien bodies” which is his demeaning reference to her breast implants-probably one of the very attributes that attracted him in the first place.

If you care to hear the second tape, it is here, but I warn you: It is strong and vile.  He should never be left alone with his child; he is not in control of himself, and there is no telling what he might do.  Talk about doors unhinging…

mel6 Mel is now going on 55 years of age.  I think he’s gone into what I call “the Fifties Slide.”  I, myself, am a victim of this syndrome—I mean, my husband is, and it’s caused a bobble in my life, for sure.  I’m not a mental health professional, but as a divorce lawyer, I see it enough that I do feel it is a “syndrome.”  One day my sister/paralegal intoned, “Should I be worried?  My husband will be 50 in a few…and after all I see around  here…”  She was joking, and BIL knows he’s dead-meat if he doesn’t watch it (are you listening, here, BIL?), but it was a reference to what she and I see all too commonly.

So, back to Mel.  Didn’t you used to like him?  Be honest, heremel5.  Isn’t he chiseled handsome, with piercing blue eyes and a heart-stopping, resonating voice?  Yes, he’s all that, but part of his attractiveness for me was his appearance of depth.  He spoke freely of God and his religion, he had been married forever to the same woman.  They had a passel of kids.  He just kind of looked perfect.  Was he?  Did he change, or is it just coming out now?  I don’t know him, can’t speak to that for certain, but I can speak from what I have learned in my profession and, sadly, from my life.

mel4 As I write this post, I began to give you anecdotes from women (and men, although they are less forthcoming with details) in my practice, but it just became too lengthy.  Let me say this: Good, upstanding, lifelong Christian men with community reputation and good marriages (yes, it’s true)  just sometimes seem to crumble into some sorry mass of sex-driven foolishness when they start moving toward old age.  I cannot tell you how many times I have had tearful wives say, “This is not the man I married…this is not the man I knew even ten years ago.”  or “I never saw this coming.  I tell you, we had a wonderful marriage, he was a good, Christian husband.”  I believe them, I’ve lived through the same.

Back to Mel: He had been married 29 years to his wife at the time of their divorce.  And he left her for a woman who’s age just about equaled the length of that marriage.  And I think there is a telltale sign.  It’s about aging, and it’s all wrapped up in sex.  And it rarely leads to anything good.  Now Mel, in his mid-fifties, has a sweet little innocent baby who is saddled with a cracking-up, aging father.  So selfish.  And GF, Oksana, just wasn’t thinking this through, which is a wholemel7 ‘nother syndrome I see.  I bet she’s thought more than once, “What have I gotten myself into?”

In my own case, my husband was a lot like Mel (okay, this doesn’t mean that he looked like Mel, but he had that upstanding, successful aura).  Like Mel, he had a good thing going: great, stable family life, reputation in the community, etc.   But when he was in his early 50’s his business folded and, though we were making it on my earnings, he had trouble finding his footing again.  He found that he was not commanding the attention from prospective employers or, preferably, prospective business partners that he once commanded…and then along came a 29-year-old honey, and he lost footing completely.

 mel So, here’s what I think about Mel, from my distant perspective: If you are brave enough to listen to those tapes, you may hear the same things I did.  I heard insanity (truly), I heard viciousness, I heard vile racism, but I also heard other things.  I heard hurt.  And I heard fear.  Just listen and see if you don’t agree.

And fear, I believe, is the salient factor.  When they’re 50, the faces (like ours) begin to line…look at the progression of Mel pictures through this post.  Those abs just won’t stay so much in 6-pack condition.  The hair starts to thin.   Like my husband, they find they just are not  as “in demand” as they used to be. 

And how do they prove to themselves that this just isn’tmelandgirls happening to them?  Well, just pretend that they are not aging, of course!  Act like they did in college (see, right) and  find a young, beautiful woman to make them feel desirable and wanted and important.  To prove that they are young studs, still.  Let me give you a true quote my husband from my own real-life drama, “I need to be someone’s hero.”  Oh, my!  Sad, isn’t it.  It even embarrassed me for him when he said it…  Poor guy.

Is there a way to teach ourselves—and especially our men folk—that life’s seasons are going to occur; that the changes we find with the changing seasons are not signs of our worth but are, indeed, signs of our progression through life?mel3  I don’t know. Myself, I don’t like the aging process either, but I’m learning to roll with it.  May as well.  To try to swim up that river just leaves a wake of devastation.

Poor Mel.  But, Oksana, run!.  And former wife, Robyn, breathe a sigh of relief that he is no longer your problem and sit back and enjoy your changing life seasons on what I hope is a huge settlement. 

And, Mel: Karma’s a b---h, isn’t it?  C


Janera said...

Stupid man. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Janera said...

. . . especially for someone so brilliant.

Vee said...

So terribly sad to see someone fall into insanity. Sad. Sad. Sad.

Joy said...

Haven't listened to the tape yet, but I have to say everyone of your's and your friend's posts are always so thought provoking. Okay, gonna listen to the tape now...

Joy said...

Okay, listened. Wooooo-wee! what a shame. I'm surprised his head did't explode in the midst of that rant. Sick pup!!

KathySue said...

I like what you say about "teaching" our menfolk about the seasons we face in life. I have a couple of those men folk I want to share this with...but it is a hard message to communicate. I have not embraced aging with total grace and dignity as you often hear about classic beauties like Helen Mira and Jamie Lee Curtis...but I don't fret too much about the wrinkles and age spots. However, I do color my greying hair and I try not to dress like a "grandma" even though I am one! I do feel like I have some wisdom gained through life experiences to impart to those on their journey. So, I think since I too experienced a crazed 50 something husband looking for his youth that I must take on the challenge of giving some wise counsel to a few of those "men folk" close to me! Thanks for the reminder!

Now "C" I challenge you to write about the craziness women in their late 30's experience! Surely you have seen some consequences of their behavior in your practice! I have observed some bizarre behavior of many 30 something women who just can't seem to accept aging. They will also try to hang on to youth by dressing like a 20 year old, going back to the bar scene with girlfriends just for a "girls night out"., etc. Yep...I bet you can conjure up something on that subject!

Suzanne said...

Maybe him and Alec Baldwin can do some anger management classes together.

Stickhorsecowgirls said...

Oh Suzanne, I LOVE that idea!!!

Zuzana said...

It is good to be back again and I never get disappointing visiting you, lovely Horse Cowgirls.;)

Ah, the story of Mel, that has gone around the world.;)
I was a bit shocked when I heard the tape. At first I was shocked and appalled by him, then actually also by her, as it seemed a bit staged, but I might be wrong. What do I think, I honestly do not know. I know many artists are troubled souls. That is why they are so talented and creative. But they also harbour inner daemons. I think we all say terrible things in the heat of the moment, god knows I do. The problems with celebrities is that they are so exposed.
Basically, he must be an unhappy man. No happy and relaxed person would behave this way.
Have a lovely day.;))

Karen said...

LOL.. oh, you said it perfectly. Nothing to add.

Arkansas Patti said...

Best post I have seen on the sad crumbling some men go through as they age. When they are celebrities, we get to see the whole process. Not pretty.
Maybe this is good for those men right now teetering on the brink of the same cliff. Perhaps they can see where it can lead. Bad press and big bucks.
Now, if we women could just do a better job with menopause.

Anonymous said...

Well C. we are sure living in some kind of altered world for sure. Alteration been slowing coming on. I just watched a movie The Single Man, about a gay professor who's lover of 16 years dies in a terrible accident. The professor brings up fear,to his class as the cause of most problems. I remember the Cuban Missile Crisis. I remember walking the floor with my baby daughter clutched to my chest watching the drama unfold on TV. I was 25. Fear was the word. Fear itself. Pitiful, pitiful Mel.

Ayak said...

My first husband was the same. It is sad. It seems that women are more able to cope with ageing than men are.

Brilliant post!

Jody Blue said...

It all starts with letting just a little self-centeredness take hold. Sad on so many levels. He talked about God but obviously didn't put on the full armor of God. When the arrow of the enemy let loose from the bow string it found a chink in the armor. It makes me do a bit of housekeeping on my armor, to think about those little areas that I think I deserve to be selfish. Nip it in the bud. Mel is in for a world of hurt. I wish he would go lock himself away and deal with his self imposed demons, maybe then he could at least salvage some of his relationships and not make a total horse butt of himself.

Happyone :-) said...

I could only listen to part of the tape. That man certainly is way out of control. It was sad to listen to.
Great post on men aging!

Immigrant Daughter said...

Dear C it is so sad you had to experience this, but I must tell you the other guys are that are good and godly to their wives are a blessing. I was blessed to have one of the good guys for 58 years and am crushed that my son turned out to be a "stinker" to you. I am sure his dad would have had words for him. I know for a fact that when he gave up God's blessing to him when he gave you up for the little Mexian whore he is living with. Immgrant Daughter

Sandra said...

C -- I think this is one of the best posts you have ever written (and you KNOW I'm a fan of all of them). Between your experience as a divorce lawyer and your experience with a husband who lived the "fifties slide" you have such insight into this subject. I pray the posts you have done about "Mel" will be read by women who will see themselves and take encouragement from what you have written. Good work, friend.

Sandra said...

p.s. And you're right. I used to admire him SO much -- he was the total package. And there's nothing I find sexier than a committed husband and father.

If he ever gets an inkling of how many people he has disappointed, I would think it would send him even deeper into depression.

Capt. Flipout said...

BIL is most assuredly aware of the consequences. rest assured he is letting fear of the wrath of C be his guide!

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