Riding Life!

Riding Life!
Life is like a wild horse--Unless you ride it, it will ride you! (from the movie: "Princess of Thieves.")

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

C: When Opportunity Knocks

CYNICISM DISCLOSURE:  The following post is, admittedly, tinged by my twin cynicisms of professional and personal experience.  Still, I think you’ll find some truths here—just so you know…

cheerios As I enjoyed my Cheerios last Saturday morning, Son and I watched The Science Channel.  The series was “The Brain,” a topic which I find fascinating.  Is there a universal reality?  Or is your perception everything?  Inquiring Minds want to know. 

The show presented some amazing stories of people who live with a reality much, much different than most of us perceive.  One man, because he went mostly blind, had to deal with the hallucinations that his brain created to replace the loss of visual stimuli.  How would it feel to actually “see” floating human heads, like this guy did.  The doctors were quick to point floating heads out that this, in no way, had anything to do with mental health.  This was strictly a neurological phenomenon.

Then there was the guy who could not recognize any living thing.  If he is asked about what a giraffe is, he will say something like “A tall animal which lives in Africa.”  If taken to a zoo, however, he cannot distinguish which animal is the giraffe.  He recognizes his loving and much-loved family by voice.  When his daughter unexpectedly came up and sat beside him in a public place, he paid her no mind.  When she spoke to him, he was surprised: “Charlotte!”  he exclaimed. “Is that you?!  I had no idea!”

But then the presentation moved into obsession, and as I watched I began to think about something of a real practical nature for people everywhere, women in particular.

“Heather” suffered a major brain hemorrhage  while gardening one day.  When she recovered, she was obsessed with sex.  This woman cannot get enough.  She will have sex at every opportunity with whomever is  available at the time.  She craves the act; she is filled with shame and remorse afterward when it is with someone other than her husband, which is often the case.  She has been married 15 years to a man whom she loves, and he can well recall the devoted wife he had before her illness.  Because of this, he has stuck by her, but you can imagine that the strain on their marriagobsessione is great.

The documentary film crew and reporters had been following this couple for a while.  The estimate was that Heather had  sex with 50 different men over the past year.

Fifty different men!??!!  Here’s my deal:  Where do you find 50 different men in a year’s time with whom to have random sex?  I was astonished.  I must disclose that this is in Britain, not the US, but surely things aren’t that different over there!  Am I wholly naive?

Where do you find them?  According to Heather, everywhere and hookeranywhere.  Apparently, Heather is rarely turned down.  Really!?  I realize  that prostitution is not only the oldest profession, it is still alive and well.  But Heather did not pose as a prostitute, where she might be in contact with a man who was on the prowl for sex—no, she picked men up on her way to the store, for example.  

If a strange woman randomly approaches a man to proposition him, would you not think the man might be reluctant just from the sheer worry that he was dealing with a nut, ala axe murderer?  Or, maybe, that she has a disease?

Nope.  Heather has had sex with strange men in cars, in alleys, in motels…you name it.  Finding random male partner is no problemo.

In my dual capacity as family attorney and scorned woman, I have done quite a bit of research on adultery.  I have come to understand that men and women are different in a whole lotta ways and some of them just are not talked about enough. 

The research shows that men are more opportunistic about sex than are women.  If it is simply offered (say, out of the blue), it is accepted by them far and away more often than would be by women—women tend to be a bit more, er, cautious in developing sexual relationships.  All the scientific literature explains this evolutionarily: men are wired to have as many offspring as possible; women are wired to seek security for themselves and  their offspring.  tilldeath

Research shows that men break their vows much more often than do women.   (Okay, I know there is always the exception that proves the rule, but this has also been my experience).  It has been found by studies that married men generally don’t cheat because of something wrong in their relationship—they initially cheat because they were given the opportunity.  About 75% of them, according to surveys,  have said they were satisfied in their marriage at the time they cheated.  They did it, in the words of former President Bill Clinton, “Because I could.”  It can turn into something else, and it will be usually justified by them later on, but the reason for the cheating is not usually something wrong with their wife or relationship.  It’s opportunity, pure and simple.

I am reminded of a line I heard recently in the 1962 movie, “That Touch of Mink, where the Audrey Meadows character says to Doris Day something like: “One look at you and a man realizes his wife does not  understand doris dayhim.” 

Now, look, I have some backing on this:  The May/June 2010 Scientific American Mind (on the stands as I write this post) confirms the old adage: “Men value sex, women value love.”   There’s lots of discussion as to “Why?” but little to no on “Whether?”  It is just known. Women, on the other hand, (studies show) tend to cheat for “reasons.”  Lack of relationship, neglect, etc.  Women are looking for relationship; men are looking for opportunity.

I recently got an off-price book catalog in the mail that proved to be a surprising confirmation of this dichotomy.  It has conveniently grouped books by topic.  There’s “History,” and “Military History.”  There’s “Nature” and “Literature.”  And then there’s “Romance and Women’s Literature.”

Romance = Women’s Literature.  Never “Romance = Men’s Literature.”  Or, even, “Romance = Literature.”  No, we all know—certainly the marketers know, that it is women who like the “romance” stories.  Why?  Relationship.

The wise Billy Crystal once said:

Women need relationship to have sex;

Men just need a place.

So, back to Heather.  I think she serves a warning for all women…you cannot hedge against opportunistic cheating.  If you are advising your daughter, tell her…


Kathy's Klothesline said...

Opportunity........ that is scary. I like to think that not all men would succumb to this woman. Like you, I would think they would fear a disease. Guess I am naive.

laurie @ bargain hunting said...

Since men obviously don't watch the Lifetime channel, they haven't seen the movies about crazy women who seduce them, then steal their money, or injure or even kill them! Or maybe, when that part of their body takes over, all thoughts of the possibility of being killed fly out the window (or I guess all thought flies out the window)! What I want to know is how that woman has the energy to "do" 50 men!! laurie

jan said...

It is a fascinating difference. One that I did not like to recognize, when I was younger. Back in the day, women were treated differently in many, many ways that were not good. I wanted to believe that those differences did not exist...That we were more the same than different.

Zuzana said...

Absolutely great post, a writing such as this I truly like. Very thought provoking. Often watching documentaries such as these makes us think, as reality around us - and often unknown to us - can be at times quiet distressing.
I think both women and men giving certain circumstances are capable of strange things. There was a controversial discussion on TV the other day about the promiscuity of women; apparently about 60% of men are not the fathers to their children.;) A fact truly worth pondering.
Thank yo for a great post,

Monalisa said...

Yes I can believe it..

Men need sex, women need love.

A bird in the hand said...

I believe it. It's been shown to be true time and time again. And yet, when a man strays, people still persist in saying that he did it because he wasn't getting it at home. i.e. blame the wife.

Great post. thank you!

Debbie said...

Most men, particularly the younger, don't seem to 'think' much with their brains when it comes to sex; their brains are in their *a-hems.* My humble opinion... Maybe it started with the hippie era mantra "if it feels good, do it." I think the problems lie in both courts. I feel more and more like we women, generally speaking, are lacking in responsibility and are actually perpetuating the lack of morality by the way we dress and flirt. We mothers are not teaching our girls proper behavior. Have you recently watched a group of high schoolers? Rick and I were at a restaurant waiting outside for a table inside, and two groups of young people came up. I couldn't believe the vulgar behavior, especially from the girls! The boys were equally as bad. It's like there are no limits to bad/sexual behavior.
I'm stepping down now. This was a good post, C. Eye popping.

Linda Lou Rogers Averitt said...

hummmmm.....good post....gotta think on it:)

Farmchick said...

I have often heard that women are turned on by what they feel....men are turned on by what they see.

Liss said...

So true. A man that cheats and tells you he'll never do it again will never do it again until the opportunity exists again.

I can't find one man let alone 50!! Maybe I need to start asking random strangers for sex. (Yuck - can't even imagine doing that!)

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