Riding Life!

Riding Life!
Life is like a wild horse--Unless you ride it, it will ride you! (from the movie: "Princess of Thieves.")

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

C: Sightings...Sigh...

Well, it is bound to happen. Ours is a mid-sized city--our metropolitan area holding just under 400,000 and, truthfully, most of my "circle" frequents one particular area of the city. So, my sister and her family ran smack-dab into my husband, his honey, her two kids, and their new baby. In Target. Awkward.

She said that she and my hubby had that "deer in the headlights" startle, and both groups bounced off each other like same-pole-magnets, heading quickly in opposite directions wordlessly. Sis says that the babe was in a carrier but she could not tell me whether the blankie was pink or blue, so eager was she to exit the scene.

My youngest niece is eight. She was my husband's particular favorite at the time he left (the youngest always is). She ran to him each time she saw him, and he would scoop her up, carrying her around. My sister went a long time after our separation without saying anything to her kids except that Uncle C was "away," thinking we might reconcile, and she did not want to go through that mending unnecessarily. Finally, however, she sat the kids down and age-appropriately explained just what he had done to quell both their curiosity and their hurt that favorite Uncle had just disappeared.

So, in Target, this little one turned to her mom and said, "Why doesn't Uncle C speak to us anymore?"

Mom answered, "Remember? I explained that to you?"

To which, she asked, "But, Mom, how can you be family and then not be family? I mean how can you love someone (meaning herself, I'm sure) and then all of the sudden not love them?"

How, indeed? Ah, a whole 'nother post from the desk of a divorce lawyer...

I'm actually doing fine with this issue. I still chuckle everytime I think of my near-sixty-year-old husband contending with this:

And then, at nearly 80, contending with this:

See the money bag the Dean is holding? Take it from one who has sent a child through college: that is no joke. I cannot imagine doing that in my late 70's.

And so, the topic of money brings up looming drama (and you thought it could not get any more dramatic!). As an aside, I battle with misplaced guilt in women clients all the time. One of the things wayward husbands like to say to their wives who are holding them to financial obligations is, "It's all about money with you, isn't it?"

I have had wives of reprobates sit in my office and actually cry over this "accusation," until I tell them the stock answer to use. "Look him in the eye," I say, "and tell him 'money is ALL it's about!' because, surely, it's not about anything else with a man of his character" You cannot believe how empowering this is to them.

So, I'm trying to apply the same to myself. He owes me money...I intend to get it. Drama looms large ahead.

Besides, I am feeling very empowered, myself, these days--why, just yesterday I cleaned out the tractor air filter!!! (See appropriate addition to power list on the sidebar!).

As always, thanks for listening. C


Anonymous said...

Another wonderful post. I do enjoy your humor. Love the cartoon pictures. You are inspiration to many woman and bless you for empowering those in need.

Suzanne said...

WOO HOO!!! You go girl. You little niece hit the nail on the head. How can you love someone (especially a child) and then poof, not love them. As you can see a child can articulate the craziness of that behavior.

I have a neighbor whose husband proved himself to be a cad and a narcissist. His "honey" is also now having a baby and they're both in their mid-40's. Holy drama Batman. I've told my neighbor that she needs to reach inside and find her anger, he's trying to manipulate her. She needs to find the word NO and unleash it upon him.

Debbie said...

I can't begin to imagine raising kids again and I'm 54. I keep having visions of "driver's ed" training and buying cars! Whoo! Not to mention college, although our kids have worked their ways through. Summer sports, music lessons, orchestra camp. It was wonderful, I'm glad I was there, but I'm also thankful for the memories. Now I have other pastimes; arthritis, high cholesterol.
Yes, how can you be such a loving person one day and a stranger the next. Yet, I see it over and over.
You inspire me. I enjoy your blog and am a new follower. Visit me when you can.

Iron Needles said...

Your story hits so many notes with me. Short version of long story...after 26 years of marriage, ditched for a bimbo,15 yr younger than me (and 8 years older than our oldest daughter). She was on staff at the church he served as pastor. He still doesn't think it was an affair. They were just good friends. (Guess that's why they got married so quickly after the dee-vorce.) The difference? There was no money, and he had no church/work for a while (ethics investigation and all, but not his fault, don'tchaknow...), and I was scared to death I would end up paying him maintenance if push came to shove.

Vickie said...

I'm saving that little piece of advice about the $$ thing. You are right ON. Seems like this is happening all around us these days. It happened to my sister. I wish I'd had enough brains to tell her that myself. She has happily remarried now, but during the time she was going through it, she let alot of things slip by.

From the mouths of babes, your little niece has alot to teach us about love!

Looks like you have a passel of folks behind you to face the gloom ahead. We're in your corner!

Me said...

Wow. Its always so stunning to hear such pure and truthful sentiments from the mouths of those who we assume are too young to know better. We all really need to take a lesson from our youth, they have it right.

I enjoyed this post, along with the rest of your blog that I've browsed through so far - though I admit to wincing through parts of it. It takes a certain kind of courage to open yourself up in such a way as you have on these pages, and you do it well.

Thanks for putting some good and real writing out there. I'll be back.

Janera said...

C, you are my hero. 'Nuff said.

Rue said...

Awkward is right! I feel badly for your niece. She's very wise for her years though. Out of the mouths of babes.

I hope you get your money soon C.

Hugs to you and V :)


Anonymous said...

Dear C I feel you are really benefiting from being able to blog out your thoughts. This is great to feel support and know that this info goes no further than the hearts of the women you share it with. Blessings

Susie Q said...

You do have a way with words and telling a story.I laughed out loud at you laughing at him (how is that for a goof ball sentence?) with a baby now! :)
Your niece...bless her heart...it is so hard for them. Gosh! It is so hard for us grown ups!
My brother and sis in law had seperated. It is a sad time for all of us and my daugher is very upset. We have hope that things will be resolved...but I know this may well not be the case. Life just stinks sometimes doesn;t it? *laugh*
But you have me giggling and I thank you for that!


CottageGirl said...

Great blog, C!
You and I are around the same age and like you I can not imagine having a baby NOW!! After my grandbabies (3 of them 2 years old and younger) spend the night, it takes me a whole day to recoup!!

I LOVE the response that you advise your clients! Women have such a guilty sense that whatever goes wrong, they feel as if they are to blame. Great way to respond!

Thanks for your visit!

Leslie said...

What a sad lesson to learn at the tender age of 8.

When my mom was at the point of her divorce, she was weak and weary. (Being told how inadequate you are as a wife over and over will do that). I was afraid she would not get the money she deserved. I often asked her, why aren't you angry? Get mad! Thank goodness for her lawyer. One day something clicked in my mom and she wanted to fight for her financial share of the marriage. She is still a much stronger, more outspoken woman.

Terri and Bob said...

Hey! I am Terri from Christmas Tree Lane. I want to thank you all for coming over and being so supportive.

Your blog is F A B U L O U S. I love your strength. I love your wisdom. I am going to be checking here often.

Anonymous said...

I admire your humor and strength.
Your niece said it all.

Now..hurry and get those chickens! They will be loads of fun and entertainment.

And..you can ask all the questions you like about them.
Thanks for the visit and comment.
Have a great day and take care.

Robynn's Ravings said...

Oh, I thank you for popping in this morning so I could FIND you! You are a breath of fresh air. I'm gonna like it here. :) I just have to follow.

Farmchick said...

You go girl.

Anonymous said...

C -- I hope you get some satisfaction by imagining what it must be like to be him in situations like this. There has to be somewhere inside of him, whether he acknowledges it or not, where he feels so foolish. He surly must be able to read the loss of respect in the eyes of people who know how he's conducted himself.

Kat said...

Hi there!

Thanks for your visit and comment today.I'm not sure how you found me, but I'm so glad you did. I love getting to know other bloggers. I've sure enjoyed my visit here.


Chris H said...

Hi, just flicking through your blog... and saw that air filter and was reminded of home! My Dad had lots of those hanging around! Too funny seeing one on some random ladies blog! LOL

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