Riding Life!

Riding Life!
Life is like a wild horse--Unless you ride it, it will ride you! (from the movie: "Princess of Thieves.")

Thursday, July 9, 2009

C:Possum Days

Well, I've been away from writing. Let me just give you the thumbnail sketch of my last week:

A week ago Tuesday, I flew to meet my mother-in-law (1100 miles away) to drive her here. We were two nights on the road (more about that in a later post).

MIL was here three days with me awaiting furniture, and my sister (who lives near) sold her house and moved in with me, along with her husband, three kids and three dogs (her fourth and eldest child went to my brother's house).

So, for nine days now there have been eleven people living in my house (plus five dogs and a cat). There are people everywhere. My mother-in-law and I are bunking together in my bed. My two front rooms look like a storage unit. Just look at our front living room:

We've actually been doing great! We get tired of each other, and the kids (youngest is 8) are a bit out of sorts not having all their things and having to sleep on the floor, but it's been a family time. We think my sister will close on their purchased home this Thursday, moving the weekend, so we're looking at another week.

My mother-in-law is nearly set up. She's got her utilites and is awaiting the arrival of her furniture on Monday. That place is shaping up, too. In a couple of weeks, she and I will be ready to start for "normalcy." Here she is, getting her kitchen set up:

The turmoil of so many in the house, routine out of sorts, has me sleeping not so well. I fall into bed and asleep but am wide awake by 3 a.m., thinking of the work for the day, how to sneak out of the house so early without interrupting anyone else's night. You can see two rooms here, sleeping bags and mattresses on the floor:

I did sneak out on Thursday morning and was pulling out of my driveway at 4:17 a.m., eager to get to the office and start my busy day. As I rounded a curve on my country road, I saw a possum in the middle of my lane. Too late to swerve, I hit him good. That is sickening enough--the few times I have hit an animal with my car have been most distressing. But it was a whopper of a hit because "something" fluid sprayed all over my hood and windshield. Yuck! At 4:40 a.m. I was sitting in the drive-through "super soak" carwash at the local Shell station, hoping that the carwash could take care of the possum guts.

(note: the possum shown is not the "real" possum--it is for re-enactment purposes only. No possums were harmed in the presentation of this possum-killing illustration)

It was an omen, because it turned into a "possum guts" kind of day. It was later in the morning that I found out that
1) my wayward husband (59) who is shacked up with his 31 year old has a new baby (no fool like an old fool), and

2) That he's monkeying with taxes, and--if he has his way(not going to happen)--I will be left with a big, unexpected tax hickey.

We're working toward divorce (I am NOT going to be stampeded into that to my financial detriment!), but I guess he and she just could not wait until matrimony to reproduce (most likely "she," since it's her third one by a man married to some else--her modus operandi).

I had known for a while now that divorce is inevitable, but this was a pretty hard kick in the teeth--a "possum guts" all over me, if you will. And it was for my son, too, who is grown but still our only child and who had always been the center of the universe. It is surreal to think of my husband of 39 years--all but the last two wonderful--having a whole life without us. Not supposed to be this way...

But, it's going to be okay, I am convinced. My projects with mother-in-law are moving along happily, and I have have this houseful of proof that I have a loving family who support me. I have come to the conclusion that all the confusion of the crowded house is timed perfectly to keep me from spinning into depression at this latest news of my husband's mid-life insanity.

And, I must confess, the darker side of me is actually chuckling a bit inwardly as my mind imagines hubby gearing up to send one through college at nearly 80 years old...sheesh! One never knows...if you think you have life under control, believe me, you are wrong. Reminds me of a quote from one of my favorite books:

...the earth was made round so that we could not see very far down the road.
--Isak Dinesen
(Baroness Karen von Blixen), in Out of Africa

Believe me, if I could have seen the curvature of my life coming, I'd have been trying to dodge it. I would avoid all "possum days" if I could.
Probably not the best thing in the broad scheme of things (I'm still working on this philosophy...you know that God has a plan and His is best?)

And, I can't leave without saying that I owe you all a whole 'nother post on the uplifts I got from by blogging friends. Blogging just helps--it reminds me of yet another Isak Dinessen quote:

All sorrows can be borne if you put them into a story or tell a story about them.

While I was stressing out through this time--not even writing--I was receiving unanticipated encouragement from those of you out there in cyberspace. It's a wonderful thing--I'll write about it, of course,watch for it. And the Baroness Blixen was correct: writing this story helps--bless you all. - C


Linda Lou Rogers Averitt said...

I am totally blown away! 31 and a baby and Carl must be totally crazy! I am sick for Adam and you, I am thankful you have a busy life now too and some strong support:) hugs

Leslie said...

I really liked your posts and look forward to them. I wanted to tell you that I know how those guts feel, I had a few splatter on me in the past. I am able to relate to your son's position somewhat. My dad had a mid-life crisis,had multiple affairs, left our family when I was in high school and never looked back. Mom and I felt thrown away like an old pair of shoes. My dad finally remarried (after several flings) at 50 years old to his 35 year old wife. I was 23, she had a 9 year old son. It has been 20 years and he has his life with his second family and we see each other and talk on occasion. Mom had a circle of family and friends like you do that have always been there. She has rebuilt a life without a man in it and is stronger and happier than she ever was. My dad missed out on a life with his grand kids, by his own choice. Mom didn't. Mom has no regrets. Dad??

I believe that having so many people that love you around at this time is a blessing, It is a peak into your future.

Anonymous said...

Oh, C. I'm so glad I found you. I just plain like you and so admire the way you handle the "possum guts" of life.

Our son, a retired Marine Gunnery Sergant, has a favorite saying that I think may apply to several different aspects of this post, "The worst experiences make the best stories later".

I have an old friend who has recently gone through a similar experiece with a husband's mid-life crisis, sans the baby, and this post reminds me that I want to write about her experience. You are both strong women whom I admire for how you have handled the onset of acute terminal dumbness in a husband.

Take care, be strong, and know that you are encouraged and admired by not just your loving long-time friends, but by a new friend too!

Anonymous said...

Dear C and V, did you two girls overlook the award I had for your blog on 7/11/09 I think. The Premios Dardo. I think your reason for blogging is so appropriate for this.

Suzanne said...

That's a LONG DRIVE. I'm glad you made the trip safely. I'll be waiting to hear about that adventure. I'm so glad that your mother-in-law will be set up in her new little place.

The thing about troubles is that we're not in it alone. There are many people who experience the same bad things and together we can help each other. Yes, I had a husband leave me for a younger version of myself. I had just put him through 4 years of college and the plan was that he would start working and I would return to school. But he decided he didn't want to be married anymore. It was a tough, tough time.

Hang in there. I love to read about your strength and determination.

- Suzanne

Vee said...

Okay, it sounds way too exciting at your place. Hang in there...

As for the soon-to-be-ex...goodbye and good riddance. His life is NOT going to be a picnic, but yours has every potential to be. Oh the book you could write!

Eggs In My Pocket / Yesteryear Embroideries said...

Bless your heart....my heart goes out to you. These kind of situations are so painful....just glad you do have loving support from your family! Stay strong and keep writing....it does help! blessings,Kathleen

sally said...

I am angry and confused with you. Gary did get to see your Adam last week, and it was a good visit. I heard about this "garbage" after that visit. You must know that we love you and miss having you in our lives.

Vickie Minick

KathyB. said...

Boy, those possum guts can sure splatter all over ,but you can wash them off, and start anew! Love this post and I can sure identify with you on many levels, including your comment"working on the philosophy...you know, God has a plan and His is best", because I feel that way too often lately, and yet I do know He does and His plan is best. Just takes time to see it....meanwhile I have to rely on Him to help me endure and eventually rejoice.

Sounds like you really do have a whole big cheering crowd who love you....and many of them are living with you!

Hilary said...

A variation on the "if life hands you lemons.." concept. You were handed possum guts and you made a fine blog post out of it. Nudged over here by Add Humor and Faith.. thanks, Sandra!

Brenda said...

Thanks for leaving a comment on my blog so that I could find you. Love your blog. Don't let the possums' get to you!!!

Betty said...

Thank you for dropping by to visit with me and taking the time to comment....

I think it speaks volumes that your mother-in-law is with you and not her son...

I look forward to visiting with you...

God Bless...Betty

Marie said...

Sad story but you wrote in such an interesting way. Sorry about the possum but the husband?? I am glad that I found your blog. You have such a great way of communicating.

Kari (GrannySkywalker) said...

THIRTY NINE YEARS OF MARRIAGE and the idiot decides to hook up with a floozy?? Good riddance to bad rubbish, I say. 39 years? What a d*mb&ss. Excuse me, but your soon-to-be-ex is a world class putz. To throw away a lifetime of love and memories is just too stupid for words. And I can tell by your sense of humor that this is indeed HIS loss and certainly not yours.

Chin up! You're handling yourself just fine. And yeah, you ARE going to have the pleasure of snickering at the thought of that idiot being run ragged by a kid he was too old to sire in the first place. And that cow he bred with...well...obviously they deserve each other! :)


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