I sort of ended my last post (see Stick Horse Cowgirls: C:Possum Days) with a quote from Isak Dinesen (author of "Out of Africa") about the healing effect of telling stories--of just turning your sorrows into a story for others. I'm thinking it may be akin to "confession is good for the soul," and and why talking in therapy can be so effective. I believe that it is simply a function of our innate need for one another and for connection.
When my husband ordeal first started--shattering the fairytale life I had lived--I bent my friends' ears unmercifully. It seemed that talking about this disaster gave some sort of relief; like vomiting when you have a sick stomach. (Sorry for that imagery, but it seems so appropriate. You know, getting the poison out of your system). I would say the same things to these friends over and over; asking the same questions over and over. I know now that it was a way for me to try and make sense of a senseless situation.
During this time I bought a piece of art which so richly illustrates my dumping of words on my friends over and over and over again. See a poor photo of it below, depicting a standing figure (me) covering up a friend with an avalanche of words...the title of the work is "What Friends are For."
Then V put me on to blogging! She had started reading all you people out there on the web and was so intrigued by your stories. I was a bit put off at first. Truthfully, it seemed a little like ego self-massage, and my first inclination was to name our blog "As If You Care," because my thought was, "Who cares about my sordid soap opera?"
But, V and I dove into it and, as I warmed up to writing and sending my thoughts out to God-only-knows-where, I realized that the exercise of expression, alone, was worth something to me. I had a whole infinite realm to spill my guts to now. So, I began (yes, I admit it) to hog the writing on Stickhorse Cowgirls. V can hardly get a word in edgewise, but that has worked out, because V's life has taken a little Roller Coaster ride, too. Don't worry, she's fixin' to write about it...
So, okay, back to the point...I was enjoying this writing thing and then along came a little bonus. Actually, it is a very significant bonus: Your comments. And then, my response by reading your blogs in reaction to your comments, and getting to know you through your wonderful words. And finding ("Suprize, suprize, suprize," as Gomer Pyle would say) that I DO, indeed care about your lives. And it gave me a flash of hope that you care about mine. I can't tell you what this did for me.
So, moving right along to last week and the subject of my last post: The week was hectic, to put it mildly, and then there was the possum guts of my once-true-blue husband pulling the twin sneakies of trying to cheat me on taxes and unveiling the birth of his love child. It was a hard hit, so I did what I had learned to do--I spilled my guts.
All during this I was receiving encouragement from all of you. Some of this was from posts prior to these recent events, but the residual encouragement from them came at just the right time. I spent some time this morning trying to incorporate into this post the names and comments and little gifts I received, but there were two fears in doing this:
1. This post would become waaay to long for me to name each of you encouragers individually; and
2. If I tried, I'd sure as shootin' leave someone important out.
If you have the time, just read the comments and follow those links to the sites to see what I mean. You bloggers are magnificent.
So, suffice it to say that you blogging friends have been a source of inspiration and support for me. I have loved the way you have encouraged me and the way you shared your similar troubles with me as a way to give me hope that I, too, can survive this tribulation. It brought to mind a Scripture:And the picture that I have put with this Scripture is not idle--it is an illustration of how I feel from the encouragement I received from you all. It is like I have many hands to hold as I struggle through life. I pray, pray, pray that I can be an encouragement to someone as you all have been to me.
So, let me end by saying simply:More guts-spilling soon...C