Riding Life!

Riding Life!
Life is like a wild horse--Unless you ride it, it will ride you! (from the movie: "Princess of Thieves.")

Friday, July 17, 2009

C: On Spilling My Guts (not the possum ones)

I sort of ended my last post (see Stick Horse Cowgirls: C:Possum Days) with a quote from Isak Dinesen (author of "Out of Africa") about the healing effect of telling stories--of just turning your sorrows into a story for others. I'm thinking it may be akin to "confession is good for the soul," and and why talking in therapy can be so effective. I believe that it is simply a function of our innate need for one another and for connection.

When my husband ordeal first started--shattering the fairytale life I had lived--I bent my friends' ears unmercifully. It seemed that talking about this disaster gave some sort of relief; like vomiting when you have a sick stomach. (Sorry for that imagery, but it seems so appropriate. You know, getting the poison out of your system). I would say the same things to these friends over and over; asking the same questions over and over. I know now that it was a way for me to try and make sense of a senseless situation.

During this time I bought a piece of art which so richly illustrates my dumping of words on my friends over and over and over again. See a poor photo of it below, depicting a standing figure (me) covering up a friend with an avalanche of words...the title of the work is "What Friends are For."

Then V put me on to blogging! She had started reading all you people out there on the web and was so intrigued by your stories. I was a bit put off at first. Truthfully, it seemed a little like ego self-massage, and my first inclination was to name our blog "As If You Care," because my thought was, "Who cares about my sordid soap opera?"

But, V and I dove into it and, as I warmed up to writing and sending my thoughts out to God-only-knows-where, I realized that the exercise of expression, alone, was worth something to me. I had a whole infinite realm to spill my guts to now. So, I began (yes, I admit it) to hog the writing on Stickhorse Cowgirls. V can hardly get a word in edgewise, but that has worked out, because V's life has taken a little Roller Coaster ride, too. Don't worry, she's fixin' to write about it...

So, okay, back to the point...I was enjoying this writing thing and then along came a little bonus. Actually, it is a very significant bonus: Your comments. And then, my response by reading your blogs in reaction to your comments, and getting to know you through your wonderful words. And finding ("Suprize, suprize, suprize," as Gomer Pyle would say) that I DO, indeed care about your lives. And it gave me a flash of hope that you care about mine. I can't tell you what this did for me.

So, moving right along to last week and the subject of my last post: The week was hectic, to put it mildly, and then there was the possum guts of my once-true-blue husband pulling the twin sneakies of trying to cheat me on taxes and unveiling the birth of his love child. It was a hard hit, so I did what I had learned to do--I spilled my guts.

All during this I was receiving encouragement from all of you. Some of this was from posts prior to these recent events, but the residual encouragement from them came at just the right time. I spent some time this morning trying to incorporate into this post the names and comments and little gifts I received, but there were two fears in doing this:
1. This post would become waaay to long for me to name each of you encouragers individually; and
2. If I tried, I'd sure as shootin' leave someone important out.

If you have the time, just read the comments and follow those links to the sites to see what I mean. You bloggers are magnificent.

So, suffice it to say that you blogging friends have been a source of inspiration and support for me. I have loved the way you have encouraged me and the way you shared your similar troubles with me as a way to give me hope that I, too, can survive this tribulation. It brought to mind a Scripture:
And the picture that I have put with this Scripture is not idle--it is an illustration of how I feel from the encouragement I received from you all. It is like I have many hands to hold as I struggle through life. I pray, pray, pray that I can be an encouragement to someone as you all have been to me.
So, let me end by saying simply:More guts-spilling soon...C


Anonymous said...

C -- I love this post. It says so much about the progression from "I don't have time for something as self-indulgent as blogging" to "Wow, I can't believe how blogging and bloggers have enriched my life!"

It makes me sad when a friend who I KNOW would benefit from at least just reading blogs, blows me off when I suggest it. It's that leading a horse to water thing -- you can't MAKE them understand the blessing it can be.

The piece of art you showed? It could also we seen as a blogger having blessings heaped on them by the words of other bloggers!


Kari (GrannySkywalker) said...

I know exactly what you mean. During a recent tragedy that struck my family, I received so many words of love and encouragement from my fellow bloggers. Knowing that there were people out there who actually cared and would take the time to say so, expecting nothing in return, was a balm to my soul. I love blogging. I love the friendships it's helped me to make and I love the contact it allows me to have with people I never would have met otherwise. It's just a wonderful thing. :)


P.S. Your idiot soon-to-be ex is still a putz in my eyes (and odds are good, he always will be.) <*smile*>

bv said...

i have not commented but always read your blog. my son died 3 years age. it was in this black time i discoverd blogs. they, indeed, comforted me, inspired me and helped me move forward. so yes! blogs can be the lifesaver you need to stay up in the deep water. you are a strong, tough lady and i know you will just be fine. we just have to live thur it! now, if i could just learn more about HOW to do it i might even try it!

Brenda@CoffeeTeaBooks said...

I keep telling people (who cannot understand why I love blogs and blogging.

It opens us up to the a wide community of likeminded people we'd never be able to meet in real life.

Anonymous said...

I started this blog with astonishment and awe at all the pretty things I saw. I love them. I began to hear stories from folks that were not so pretty. I had hidden how I feel about some things for awhile. I put out pretty things all the time. What I am dealing with now is not pretty. Mental illness. 2 beloveds with bi-polar. Only support and kind words from others can keep me from feeling
"what did we do wrong" there it is out. For all it's worth. Thanks for listening.

Stickhorsecowgirls said...

I am humbled by BV's and QMMM's comments. To lose a child, well I can't imagine. And QMMM, in your mind, you know it's not your fault--it's just your broken heart that makes you keep pondering the whys and possible solutions.

As our little banner says, life is a ride. Some of it I purely do not understand. Thanks again. C

Vickie said...

I know what you mean C. You have had quite a run of possum guts. I've had my share, too. I had just been introduced to blogging when I fell into a deep depression that lasted a good 6 months. I blogged about it from time to time for myself, not caring if anyone would read it or not. Wow, did I ever find out that there were folks that cared about me, encouraged me, prayed for me, etc. Yes, it does take time, but to me, it's been a blessing! I feel connected!

KathyB. said...

I started reading blogs during a time of crisis in our family. Then tentatively began a blog. I often struggle with the question of just how much of my pain should I share and really, who wants to know all this? Your picture of the words showering down could be a picture of me unloading on family and friends...

All this to say, I discovered a world of bloggers who share and care. Who have uplifting and humorous takes on family crisis, and a lot of just plain great blogs...nothing more extraordinary than sharing their lives, and I love those blogs too. I am still in awe of the people who invite me into their lives by writing a blog, and by the people who read my blog and let me know they are praying for me , very humbling , very special.

I look forward to reading your blog!

Juri said...

I enjoyed this post so much! Reading blogs has been such an inspiration to me, sometimes just to laugh, sometimes with tears, but always an inspiration! I go through dry spells with my own blogging experience, but sometimes I just can't wait to write!

Linda Lou Rogers Averitt said...

loe your blog c and I love being a part of your life, you have had a very special part in mine:) Keep on keeping on blog sister!

Suzan said...

Glad to hear the spilling of the guts, C. Us women are blessed in that we can actually spill them. Many men haven't a clue about how good spilling is for the soul. I think it has something to do with oxcytocin.

Lisa Richards said...

I just loved this post! It expressed what I've felt about blogging. I haven't been at it for long, but I occasionally ask myself, "Who's gonna actually READ this stuff?" But I always come back to the realization that I do it just because I love to write and if someone else reads it, that's icing on the cake.

I also think it's a good way for my mom to get a glimpse of what's going on in my life since she lives in southeast Texas and I live in northern Minnesota!

I'm sometimes overwhelmed by the sheer number of blogs out there and how easy it is to get lost following rabbit trails, but I think it's okay to give in to that now and then, don't you? LOL! =0)

I'm praying for Bowe here! He could be one of my boys!

God bless!

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