Riding Life!

Riding Life!
Life is like a wild horse--Unless you ride it, it will ride you! (from the movie: "Princess of Thieves.")

Saturday, June 27, 2009

V: Can I Whine?



I'm so glad C has been posting fairly regularly lately, because frankly, I just haven't felt like it. She has been encouraging me to write and I've promised to, but I just haven't wanted to share my downer mood. For the past six weeks, I've suffered from chronic hives. I've had them before, but it's been about 5 years since I've had the misery of itching, burning skin resulting in sleepless nights. Believe me, it takes a toll on one's mental health.

I have researched the causes of hives because I have experienced them due to drug and food preservative allergy and one allergist I consulted believes that they are often an autoimmune disorder. I do believe that stress can induce hives in susceptible individuals. One of the articles I came across in my internet research by Shelly M. Brown-Riddle states that: "When the body stressed for too long, it expresses its imbalance as disease." Dr. Christine Bennen, wellweb.com.

So, what's going on in my life to wreak such havoc on my person? Like many of my boomer sisters, I have adult children who are also experiencing major changes in their personal lives. One child experienced a painful divorce which caused emotional upset for my grandchildren. There have been multiple moves, and a remarriage. This adult child also has some health issues and I found her unconscious on the floor in April and had to call 911 and she spent a week in the hospital. Medicines have been adjusted and she is doing much better, but we helped move her family once again last week.

My youngest daughter is expecting a baby in October. She is not married. My husband and I are supportive of her decision to raise her child, and she plans to marry, but circumstances have not been ideal.

Our middle child and only son, is getting married over Labor Day weekend. We love his fiancee and are happily helping them as we are able to plan their wedding. I thought I was handling things fairly well. I really did. I have dear friends who will lend me a sympathetic ear. I don't keep it all to myself. I do talk to them and vent and listen to their wise advice.

For the past year, in the midst of all the domestic turmoil, I've noticed that my mother, who lives two states away near my sister, doesn't remember things I've told her and often seems confused. My sister, who is a registered nurse, calls me often to report on her concern for our mother's well being. Tests have been made, doctors' have been consulted, and the recommendation has been made that it is time for Mother to move to an assisted living center.



It is believed that she is suffering from Alzheimer's Disease and not the dementia that follows the normal aging process. I've seen it coming. Because she sounds much like herself, it's easy to brush off the forgetfulness. But on our visit to her home last Thanksgiving, when I sat in her living room early in the morning, when she awakened and came into the room, she seemed shocked to see me sitting there. I realized that she had forgotten we were there. A year ago Memorial Day weekend, C and her mother and I traveled to visit my mother and sister. Just a few weeks later, my mother did not recall our being there. There are old friends she doesn't remember. And then there have been complaints for two or three years that she doesn't feel right and her head feels strange.

Still, after all these warnings, the official diagnosis hit me like a ton of bricks! I must soon face going through my parent's personal belongings. It was the straw that broke the camel's back. So, I am trying to gather myself back together.

My mother is slipping away before our eyes. It is painful. Possessing a prickly personality, she was never an easy person to live with. Dad, who has been gone for almost 18 years now, was easier to love. That still makes me sad. Much of our home life involved tiptoeing around her moods and hostility. This sweeter, kinder, person seems so different from the person we grew up with. Perhaps that is a gift, because our last memories will be of a gentler nature. My sister and I wrestle with all the decisions that must be made. In our mutual angst considering what is best for her, we both grieve that she is facing such a grim diagnosis, and want her to be as safe and happy as possible. Yeah, I hate it when people whine about their terrible childhoods. My mother was difficult, and our home life wasn't perfect, but my growing up years weren't all that bad in retrospect, and I already miss my mother, thorns and all.

11 comments:

kath001 said...

This is hard. Hard, hard, hard. I hear you, and know from whence you come.

Sometimes it seems that the trials pile up so high, we can't see over the top. How many times have I prayed, "Lord, please help me learn all I'm supposed to learn from this situation, 'cause I don't ever want to have to do it again!"

These trials will pass. In the meantime, don't be afraid to ask for prayer. And claim those prayers. When you're sleepless and hurting, tell God you know that others are praying for you, and you'd like to cash a few in right now, please. That always helps me. I'll add some to your account starting tonight. :)

KathyB. said...

Oh boy, you have been hit hard in so many areas of your life, and each relationship you mention is enough to cause distress, but all at once. I will pray for you.....I can also relate to so much of what you just shared. Sometimes I want to crawl into bed, pull the covers up over my head, and sleep a year away...but then, the garden needs weeding, the animals need to be fed, and how boring would a long long nap be anyway!

Hang in there!Each day does bring a bit of joy....

KathyB. said...

I just read your Ruth and Naomi (reversed )Post, wow!

Queenmothermamaw said...

Dear V, You are not whining you are laying out the facts. I know every feeling you are going through. We have 2 daughters 46 and 32 that are bi-polar. We have dealt with 2 suicide attempts and numerous hospital stays. Divorce, jails, you name it. They are both okay on their meds which we all hate, but they understand It is an illness, not dissimilar to diabetes. Unbalance.
One never knows when the next shoe will drop. I would like to list you on my WOW blog and commend a WOW pin to you, for whatever it is worth. I visit that site daily myself and pray for all the woman named there. Blessings.
QMM

Queenmothermamaw said...

P.S. I also lost my Mom to alzheimers. I had to struggle with a home for her or my home with 6 children still at home. Nope they knew how to take better care of her there, I didn't know how.
QMM

Vee said...

Please visit my blog just to see the books that I have been reading. I highly recommend them. Though our paths are not identical, there's enough similarity that I feel as if I understand a little of what you are dealing with. You've written of it so very well. It isn't whining to tell the truth, is it? I don't think so.

addhumorandfaith said...

What a touching, heart-wrenching post. I am a little older than you, and "feel" your anxiety about so many events -- all similar, but different from mine.

V- It really isn't a joke that "Getting old isn't for sissies!" is it?

May God draw you especially close in every thought, emotion, decision and detail of your life, especially as you deal with your mother's diagnosis.

kat said...

I HAVE EXPERIENCED A LOT OF THE SAME THINGS, U ARE IN MY PRAYERS, REMEMBER FIRST THAT GOD MAY CLOSE A DOOR, BUT HE OPENS A WINDOW,AND HE NEVER GIVES US ANYMORE THAN HE CAN HANDLE FOR U.I AM BIPOLAR SO ICAN IDENIFY WITH UR MOTHER AND SOME OF THE WAYS OF UR CHILD HOOD, I AM NOW ON THE CORRECT MEDS, AND MY DAUGHTER AND I THANKFULLY TALK ABOUT HER CHILDHOOD YEARS, THEY COULD HAVE BEEN DIFFRENT IN THE 70 WITH NEW MEDS, U WILL MAKE IT THROUGHT WHAT EVER GOD PUTS BEFOR U , IT IS EITHER FOR A REASON OR A SEASON, FOR THE HIVES AND THE NEVERS TOTAL B-COMPLEX, U CANT OVERDOSE THEY LEAVE UR BODY WITH ALL FLUIDS RELEASED, BE BLESSED AND B WISE GOD IS WITH U 100 PERSENT, KAT KHAN

Vickie said...

I'm sorry you're going thru so much right now. My sister gets hives, too, all up and down one side of her neck and on one side of her face. I hear they are terribly painful. And I do understand about your mom. We just placed my mother in law in assisted living for the same reasons you had to. AFter my FIL passed away in April, my MIL is not able to stay by herself any longer. Altho we're glad she has a safe nice place to stay, it's still hard. I'll be thinking about you. You've got a lot on your plate with your kids, too. Bless you, girl. I'm praying for you.

TC said...

It's so hard when our moms age and especially when we've never really understood our relationship with them nor have been close. Why is that relationship the one I struggle with the MOST....the relationship with my mother? It was encouraging to read that you have accepted that relationship and that it gets gentler with age...even tho it's still hard.

As a mom of older kids, I've learned that worrying is pointless and causes health issues...yet I still struggle with worry even tho I am a Christian!!! This should not be .... or maybe my worries draw me CLOSER to God on an hourly basis!!!! And that's a GOOD thing!

Any insights on how to leave things with God??? And V....you are not whining....just being honest so others won't feel so alone.

Sandra said...

V -- I am so sorry for all the things you are dealing with right now. And, yes, I agree with Dr. Bennen that stress does hurt our health.

When Hubby was Sheriff, he became anemic and stayed that way until he retired, and then it went away! The doctor said that it is a fact that stress depletes the iron in our bodies.

The two times in my life when I have had very very serious bronchitis were when our daughter's high school team was working toward the state basketball championship in her senior year and when we were preparing for her wedding. Not coincidence, I'm sure.

I guess this is a long way of saying that I sympathize with how the stress in your life is effecting your health. I wish I was there so that I could be one of the friends to give you a hug and a listening ear, but even though I'm not, I CAN pray for you, and I am.

May God grant you peace and surround you with love in your trying times, friend.

Related Posts with Thumbnails