Última edición de TEAMSEOBLASTEO
2 years ago
C's sister, "K," works every day with her, and she is known throughout the office for her "persnicketiness" on the subject of coffee vessels...here's her take:
n. The state or quality of being resolute; firm determination.
DATE: January 4, 2010
TO: ENTIRE STAFF
RE: 2010 office standard operating procedure update—no deviations!
In the past months, you have all, at one time or another (John, most especially) been commanded by me something like this: “OMG! Judge P may not grant that continuance….what will I do?! Quick! Go get me something with high-fat content and high calories…and don’t forget the ‘real’ coke…”
New year, new decade, new leaf turning over.
You will all find the office kitchen stocked with healthy foods: healthy frozen dinners in the freezer; lean lunch meat, fruit and yogurt in the fridge; whole wheat bread. Please feel free to help yourselves to this and their replenishments.
In turn, you must unwaveringly follow the directives below.
Here are the SOPs for the eventuality of my future high-fat demands (yes, it will happen again, so prepare yourselves):
When I begin to demand unhealthy food, say “No!” in a firm, but gentle voice.
If I insist, go get one of the senior partners, who will then (I have faith) countermand my directive.
If the unhealthy request persists, throw me in the windowless, lead-lined room* and hold the door shut. DO NOT open it until the entreaties for fat subside. If things get really out of hand in there, pick a time when I sound like I’m at the far side of the room and throw in one of those grapefruit cups, which often has the effect of ameliorating the fat craving.
Special Instructions for Chocolate: Chocolate is actually considered “medicinal.” (Just trust me on this) It is, as those of you who are female know, an essential food group. The danger comes in its overuse, as it is prone to addiction. It is permissible to administer medicinal doses of chocolate (equal to three or four Hershey Kisses, one Godiva truffle, or—at most—one small candy bar) once or twice a week, especially in times of high stress. If, however, you see me carrying about one of those very large M&M bags, confiscate it at once, and dole the doses out, ten pieces no more often than twice a week.
Thanks to you all for your assistance in helping me whip my reliance on fatty foods and chocolate in this new year.